The Oscars! Apparently We All Shold Have Seen The Artist
Sooooooo the Oscar’s were on last night. If you’re anything like me and love film then you did not watch. Spending 3 hours of my life on a show that snubs Harry Potter and gets Billy Crystal to host for the 100th time. I loved Billy Crystal. I loved City Slickers, Monsters, Inc. (don’t judge), and When Harry Met Sally but plastic face Billy Crystal is not my Billy Crystal. He looks like a damn wax doll. Either way here is everything you might have missed! Enjoy!
A man walked into a Denny’s claimed he was the new manager of it. Then he decided to walk over to the grill and make himself a cheeseburger. The police got called and he was taken away. The police later found a stun gun and two crack pipes which makes sooooo much sense. I understand that this man was probably in the wrong and he is most probably a crackhead but who hasn’t thought about walking into the back of one of these places and cooking your own food! I salute this man! Godspeed, you lovable crackhead!
Old Sports Ads For Athletes Are Still Terribly Awesome!
What a magical time these ads represent. Back in those days people could get away with the most insane sh$t because this really wasn’t that weird. Magical times indeed. Regardless of any of that, here are few posters that perfectly demonstrate the WTF mentality. Enjoy!
Something tells me that this might have been how L.T.’s bedroom looked like
Magic & Wayne: Singing all the hits of Barry Manilow!
Why is Bat Man bigger than the city? How can he protect anything?
How do Jim McMahon and Walter Payton resemble “Miami Vice” other than the fact that someone is white and someone is black? And why is Kit in the background? Why do they have guns? Why are they uzi’s? So many questions…
Dale Ellis: The Silent Assassin. This is screaming all kinds of rape to me
Are those footballs or mini-missles on Jim McMahon’s chest? I get the fact that they needed a bear to represent the Bears but why is it a cub? Who is the baby bear going to scare?
Karl Malone vandalizing homes! Why is the dog outside of the yard? Why is Karl Malone’s shirt ripped? I’m confused…
2 words: Homo-eroticism. This could actually be a great title for a gay porno. Actually, this might have already been a gay porno.
The MPAA is full of assholes. The last few months they have done nothing but bitch and moan about piracy and the internet. They claim that they are losing money and people are losing their jobs. Well this awesome infographic perfectly explains their hypocrisy. Enjoy and hate them even more!
I’ve decided to partake in this time honored Christian tradition. I racked my brain to figure out what I should give up and I think what I have chosen is pretty spot on. Below you will find what I am giving up. Enjoy and join me, my sisters and brothers!
Celebrities, just like Pokemon, evolve. Let’s take a minute to honor these historic evolutions. Also let’s laugh because celebrities can be real dicks. Am I right? Like what about that Justin Bieber? What a douchebag! Enjoy!
Good Guy Bill Clinton Should Be President Right Now!
Some of you might not remember Bill Clinton and some of you might not have even been born at the height of his awesomeness but regardless Bill Clinton was a pretty awesome President. I still think Hilary should have been President last election but oh, well. Enjoy Good Guy Bill Clinton!
Successful Black man had a Successful Black Son! Yay! In honor of Black History Month let’s celebrate successful black people everywhere! Notable examples are, Barack Obama, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Michael Jordan, Sisqo, and Steve Urkel. Enjoy the family fun!
What People Think I Do? Has Way Too Many Variations...
This meme has gotten out of control. There are so many variations now that I think I saw one today for Web Designers, Yoga Instructors, and a Modeler. What the hell is a Modeler? Better yet, why do I give a sh$t? I don’t. I’ve collected a few of the ones that I think are actually funny. Enjoy!
Aaaaaaaaaaaand I’m done. It’s dead. Game over. Game. Over.
Is Chris Brown An Asshole? Or An Assholey Scumbag?
The answer to the questions above is yes to all of the above. Chris Brown is an asshole, a scumbag and possibly gay. That last part doesn’t make him a bad person but Chris Brown being sexual with anyone could be disastrous for all involved. Keep up the good work Chris and you too Grammy’s! Enjoy!
Zombies. They are everywhere in media and no one can escape their allure. Oooh. Allure. My hope is that one day zombies will overrun FOX News headquarters and that will be their most honest news day ever. Enjoy and check out all the images at link below.
No one wants to deal with a Scumbag, other than idiots and no one here is that, right? Right? Hello? Idiots? Fine, don’t answer. But what if the Scumbag is inside you and not in a prom night sort of way? Well you have Scumbag DNA. Enjoy it as it makes your life miserable…
Oklahoma Senator Constance Johnson is currently trying to amend a bill that will make masturbation illegal. Here is what she is trying to add: “any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina…an action against an unborn child.” That means, 13 year old boys no more splooshing on the following, socks, paper towels, boxers, toilets, magazines and keyboards. Especially keyboards! My question to all this is, who enforces this? Who would want to? All the stickiness you would have to sift through…
Apparently, Sloth’s are blowing up and we need to jump on this bandwagon now before Hipsters ruin it! Damn you, Hipsters! So Buzzfeed posted an image on where you can figure out your Sloth name. So I figured out my Sloth name and it is Sloppy the Majestic Wookie! I’m a wookie!!!! And majestic and sloppy. Yup…I’m ok with all that. Enjoy!
I’m proud of Reddit for stopping and banning child pornography. I know that some people have bitched about the fact that this goes against freedom of speech, but those people are probably pedophiles so who give a sh$t? Reddit is too awesome for that to go on. The question now is, where will Pedobear go?
Kim Jong-Un is the newest and greatest thing to hit the internet! Mostly because he loves cake so damn much. He is the newest dictator of North Korea, his dad was Kim Jong-il and his biggest problem at the moment is trying to understand delicious cakes from things that might or might not be cakes. Crazy hilarious bastard. Enjoy!
The love of my life sent me this awesome infograph describing the current problem with the pharmaceutical industry and the fact that Americans now take a pill for everything. It seems that doctors are more interested in prescribing pills because it keeps you coming back to them. The problem is that the pill does not truly solve your problem and then the doctor gets a kickback from the drug companies for the prescription. It’s a win-win for everybody but you! And the FDA wants more drugs to come out because they receive a ridiculous amount of money from drug application fees. Enjoy!
Personally, I haven’t take a pill since I found my Flinstone’s chewables were just candy! All the wasted time…22 years lost…
The collective mind is an amazing landscape that to my knowledge is 85% cats. Last night though, some brave souls watched the sh$t-fest and let us know what is most important to us Internet denizens. Here now is what the internet thought of the Grammy’s. Enjoy!
I’m a huge Mass Effect fan! Unfortunately I have a PS3 so I never got to enjoy the awesome that was ME1 but regardless I love the series. I played ME2 4 times just to try and get all the endings. The last one had everyone dying on me. ME3 is supposed to come out on March 3rd and I am literally frothing at the mouth to play it. I have not read a single article on the game since August of last year just so I can have a great experience but with the game less than a month away the Internet is blowing up with teasers and spoilers. I beg you Internet, please stop. If the game sucks then let me find out about it on my couch as I break the 100 hour mark. I beg you!
And because I love you all, here are some awesome drawings!
Or more correctly the Gramophone Awards! So first let me drudge up some care from Giveaf$ck Bay and tell you that I will probably not be watching the show. But I do find these infographs done by Vulture Magazine to be hilarious! Enjoy!
Who is Freelancer Fred? He’s that guy in your building who is always wearing pajama pants. You envy his freedom at times but sh$t at least you have medical insurance. Though parts of his day are awesome but that’s what Saturday is for! Enjoy!
The fact that these guys are friends makes my inner child smile. Seriously! What kid wouldn’t have loved a Terminator & Rambo vs. Nazi’s/Evil Robots/Ninjas feat. Satan? That’s how many bad guys it would have needed! Unfortunately, even The Toymaker & Howard Langston couldn’t defeat old age. They don’t make action stars like these anymore. Especially since steroids were banned.
First World Problems. The Third World Can Suck It!
Now I don’t know how much of the Third World population is on the internet but if I am to believe FOX news then the Third World is a desolate piece of sh$t full of danger and raping soooo they are probably not on here. So much raping. Bottom line First World > Third World, which means our problems are more important than the raping. I won’t even talk about those saps that consider themselves Second World. I’m looking at you Mongolia! Enjoy!