I’m going to start this post by saying I’m Peruvian! That’s why there is a llama in my logo and as such I feel that I should stay informed about my native land. That’s why I think it’s awesome that people celebrate the New Year’s beating the sh$t out of each other. Read the article and see all the photos at Buzzfeed (link below). Inca power!
Peruvian Troll face?
Who invited the Packers fan? And who fights in tight ass pants?
Oh snap son! You know a fight is getting real when people put birds on top of their heads. There is no way you can top that. No way!
A couple of weeks ago Mark Wahlberg made some comments about 9/11. None of that is important though. What is important is that we have to come to realization that had Mark Wahlberg been at every disaster of the last 100 years none of them would have happened. Goddammit, why wasn’t he there saving us? Just remember “Not on my watch”…
Awesome People Hanging Out is pretty cool Tumblr but it got me thinking though about all the douchebag celebrities that must hang out together and so I put together this wonderful collection of photos. Take it away douchebags…
Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart & Taylor Lautner (everything wrong with movies is right here)
T-Pain & Ke$ha
I’m not really counting Ricky Martin but the entire cast of Glee definitely makes up for it.
Flo Rida, Pitbull & David Guetta (everything that is wrong with music)
Beyonce & Blue Ivy. This a preemptive douche call that I would be shocked to find out I am wrong. I mean her name alone is douchey.
Ashton Kutcher & Wilmer Valderrama
Randy Jackson, Steven Tyler, Ryan Seacrest, Jennifer Lopez & Jimmy Iovine (American Idol that’s f$cking why!)
Paris Hilton & Redfoo (LMFAO)
Donald Trump & Kim Kardashian
Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith (What the f$ck is going on here?)
LMFAO & Justin Bieber (Such huge douchebags that they had to be on here twice!)
Jennifer Lopez, her ego & her ass (so much assh$leness in one photo)
I don’t think much about the Kardashians but this struck me as interesting. The fat one named Khloe might not be a true Kardashian. It seems like her mom, Kris Jenner, might have cheated. Shocker! The most interesting thing about this is that her mom is making an episode out of it on the sh$tastic show. Parenting done right! All I can say is that maybe the Mayans should be right…
Earlier today I said that Cuba Gooding Jr. only does direct-to-DVD movies now. Obviously that is not completely true seeing as he is in Red Tails and that came out in theaters this past weekend. After I said this though I went to his IMDB page and checked out the movies he’s done in the last few years and I’m still going to say that he is the new Steven Seagal. Let’s call him Cuben Seagal Jr., Steben Gooding Jr. or my personal favorite Blacken Goodal Jr.!
You can’t see it but the quote is from the movie critic at Ok! Magazine.
Christian Slater as a priest? WTF…
No one f$cks with Cuba’s vacation lake house!
Holy sh$t Christian Slater is on here twice!
Only one man can solve the immigration issue: Cuba F$cking Jr. wearing aviators!
Holy sh$t. Helen Mirren and my man Cuba as contract killers? This must be awesome! Helen’s character has cancer? Ok. She raised Cuba? Interesting. Their lovers? My eyes are bleeding!!!! Stop the pain…
Sweet Cool Blasters! Sundance Is Full Of Assh$les!
I love independent films. There is only so many explosions and Cameron Diaz movies that I can take in a year. But never let it be said that there might be a lot of Hipster assholes who will ruin something awesome if they don’t get their way! Apparently Drake, was supposed to be performing at the Bing party and he was late. Aziz Ansari, from Parks and Rec, was hired to warm up the crowd but they were so pissed off that Drake was late that they were complete assh$les to Tom “F$cking” Haverford. They were too busy yelling “WHERE THE F$CK IS DRAKE?”. Then out of nowhere Cuba Gooding, Jr. jumps on stage and tells everyone to “Shut The F$ck Up!”. I think Cuba has gone off the deep end due to all the straight to DVD movies he does now. Really, there are a lot! But what made him think that anyone would listen to the guy who played “Radio”? Regardless, the people at this party should be removed from society.
Apocalypse Now? Fleshlight Attachment For Your Ipad Says Yes!
I don’t know if the Mayans are right about the end of the world but this makes me believe that we are reaching the inevitable end. Rubber does not substitute a woman. Ever. It can’t. I don’t know anybody who uses a fleshlight and you know why? Because it’s f$cking embarrassing! How can you feel remotely happy about yourself once you’ve finished. And now you’re going to have sex with your Ipad? How much sadder could that be? Listen guys, I know it’s hard to go out and meet women. You gotta deal with rejection and actually talking to women. And I know not every dude out there is Ryan Gosling so girls aren’t throwing their thongs at you but there is a woman who will accept you. Men need to be better than this.
On a contrarian note though, maybe the guys who buy this shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce and this is actually helping the World out. Some give one of these to all those 16 year old boys getting 16 year old girls pregnant! Stat!
404 Pages are sad and dull. Every time I get one a part of me dies but if I got this 404 page instead of the sh$tty then one I would be doing back-flips of fat children. I’d never thought I’d see the day where Russia beat the U.S. but here you go. This makes me re-think everything. Maybe Drago should have won?
Check out the hilarity here and see the comparison below.
Canine Cancer Must Also Be Stopped! Animal Powers Activate!!
I don’t like showing favoritism to man’s best source of internet hilarity so I’ve decided to link up to the canine cancer awareness site. I have a 9 month puppy and I couldn’t picture life without him. The guy is awesome! He’s attacking his squeaky snake as we speak. So in honor of them, here is DogFort! And here is the site.
I just watched Modern Family and I learned that Feline Aids is real. Do I get most of my information from TV? Yes! Of course! TV taught me about relationships and drugs and when not to mix the two. Back to my original point though, cat aids is real and it’s horrible. I want to take this moment by honoring the heroes of the internet by sharing some of my favorite cat memes and linking to the feline aids page on pluspets.com.
Can’t say I know much about Maury Povich other than I think he is the white Montel William. Or is Montel Williams the black Maury Povich? Either way, neither is Jerry Springer. The people that go on this show are amazing. I say the captions that are supposed to reflect the problems that they are on the show to discuss are amazeballs. And ou know how I know these aren’t fake? Because there is no writing team in the world which is this good. I mean, this is scary good. And now pictures:
What can I say? Some dudes like the whole no teeth thing.
Free chicken wings? Yeah, I’d do it. Better be boneless though.
The nice people over at Vice have an old article back from last year about this subculture in Mexico known as Cholombians. The only real thing that fascinates me about these kids are what they do their hair. Apparently they slap a sh$t ton of gel to their overgrown sideburns and bangs to keep them stuck to their head. I think it’s either gang related or Colombian related. I don’t know because I’m too lazy to read the whole article; either way it’s no good for society. The important thing to me is that a look like this get as much exposure as possible. Enjoy the photos. Who says the only thing coming out of Mexico is illegal immigrants?
Stop everything you’re doing and click on the link now!!! It’s a link to a website called drunkronswanson.com and it has Ron Swanson dancing on infinite loop and it comes with a timer. See how long you can last. I’m turning this into a drinking game…
Update: So it seems Jay-Z never claimed that he would stop using the word bitch. He spoke to New York Daliy News and said it wasn’t true. Does that make me think that I anything I said is wrong? No! Never! I never go back!
Photo via comediva.com
So as to respect his daughter Jay-Z has decided to no longer use the word bitch in his music. No word yet on whether Jay will also stop using the N-word. Last time I checked his daughter might be black or Satan’s child. F$ck, sh$t and p$ssy are all still good apparently. I know they say people change after they have kids but I didn’t know that they turned into such huge pretentious douche-bags. Jay-Z was raised by a single mother, got married to one of the biggest female singers in the world and now he realizes that bitch might not be a good word to use. Oh well, at least he’s still rapping about fat assess…